10 Ways to Tell if Your Child is a Socialist

by | Oct 27, 2023 | Quick Reads

Parenting in the 21st century has its quirks, not least of which is trying to decipher if your child has been sipping a bit too much of the socialist Kool-Aid. Here are some alarmingly hilarious signs your kiddo might be veering into the red zone:

Sharing Gone Wild

Forget sharing toys. If they’re trying to unionize the neighborhood kids to ensure equal sandbox access, you’ve got a problem.

Lemonade Stand Missteps

Their lemonade stand operates on a “From each according to his thirst” policy, and they’re distributing the day’s earnings to every kid who just showed up.

Storytime Propaganda

Bedtime stories now include tales of “The Little Engine That Redistributed” and “Where the Wild Things Share Equally.”

The Dress-up Dilemma

They’ve traded their cowboy hat for one resembling Che Guevara’s and are requesting a T-shirt cannon to distribute wealth… I mean, shirts.

Chore Compensation Chaos:

They’ve proposed a new house rule: same allowance for everyone, regardless of chores done. After all, isn’t watching TV as hard as mowing the lawn?

Schoolyard Shenanigans

They’re in the schoolyard rallying peers for “Equal Candy Bars for All!” regardless of who actually brought snacks.

Playdate Politics

Their latest playdate involved a sit-in protest demanding parental transparency about where the cookies really go after bedtime.

Mealtime Melodrama

Every meal is a lengthy debate about how the food pyramid is just a tool of capitalist oppression and why everyone should have the same amount of dessert.

Birthday Party Bewilderment

Instead of party games, they host workshops on “Dismantling the Bourgeoisie One Toy at a Time.”

Toy Time Turmoil

Their action figures aren’t battling each other; they’re picketing for better working conditions in the toy box.

While these “symptoms” might give you a chuckle, remember: young minds are impressionable. Perhaps it’s time for a family game night with “Monopoly: Capitalist Edition” to set things straight!

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